I Eat Poop Everyday For Breakfast

So far my new job has been awesome. The two boys are really quite good.  You can really tell they are the children of lesbians: they are well-behaved, feminists, sensitive, and their worst insult for one another is “George Bush.” Haha.

They love to try to test me, however. I don’t mind, in fact, I find it funny to thwart their bad behaviour. My favourite response is sarcasm, which usually infuriates them. My other favoured tactic is to mock them, i.e.

Me: No, you cannot  jump all over your brother. Stop pestering him.

Boy 1 (Henceforth known as Little Bear): Your hair looks like poop!

Me: That’s because I eat poop everyday for breakfast.

LB: (storms off)

Hahahahaha.

Boy 2 (Brother Bear): My mom says I don’t have to play my guitar today.

Me: Yeah, and she told me you don’t have to do any of your chores, either.

BB: Really?!

Me: No. Do your chores, or I’m adding another worksheet.

Their moms make them do extra worksheets if they don’t have any homework. I find this hilarious, and also a great punishment for being naughty. The older one doesn’t really care about time-outs (he’s 9), so if he decides to misbehave, I add extra worksheets. His moms totally back me up, too. He decided to try to tattle on me for being “mean” and told his mom I gave him 2 extra sheets one day.

She answered, “Well, since you were so naughty that she had to add extra sheets AND you decided to try to weasel your way out of them, you get ANOTHER sheet.”

My employers are really nice, and the kids are actually very well-behaved. It turns out that I am still able to play those crazy games kids make up. We have a set of elaborate rules for a new game we invented outside. They’ve been obsessed with it, but whine that their moms cannot seem to pick up on the rules.

Probably because their moms don’t actually have the mind of a 9 year old boy, like I do!

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1 Response to “I Eat Poop Everyday For Breakfast”


  1. 1 Mama Nabi September 10, 2008 at 7:45 pm

    …so are you able to have a mind of a 3 year old? What does one eat with poop? Syrup?


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