21 Going on 89

I freely admit that I am more similar to 89 year old women than I am to women my own age.


1. I cannot stand people text messaging or compulsively checking their cell phones when I’m trying to talk to them. Turn that shit off! Twittering especially annoys me.  People my age and younger are the worst. They just don’t know how to have a conversation anymore, or how to stay off my lawn.

2. I get enraged when people pick my flowers without permission. Sure, it’s a rat-bitten bunch (seriously, a huge city rat has a home nearby; I’ve seen him!), but they’re MINE. Don’t pick them, or throw trash into them. Hell, I GROW flowers. The happiest day of spring this year was when my daisies bloomed. I’m thinking of trying to breed my own varieties of flowers.

3. I have too many cats. Yep, I have 3, and I’m only 21.  I also have found myself admiring cat knick-knacks. I already have too much stuff that deals with cats around my house.

4. I have been dressing like an old woman since I was 15. Seriously, though, people born in the 40s and earlier know how to dress! Sweaters, brooches,  pearl necklaces, stockings! The old men wear suspenders, which I am also fond of. If you think I’m dressing ironically, usually you are wrong.  I have no comment about the plaid blazers and general mothball smell I share with my doddering brethren.

5. Naps, yo. I’d rather nap than go to a club.

6. I  am a bird-watcher. My dream vacation is to go to Puerto Rico, and not for Spring Break. Oh, no. I want to go on the Tropical Bird-Watching Tour. The real reason I want to go to the Phillipines? Not the beaches. Not to meet Sean’s relatives. Not even fresh fruit. The Golden Eagle, also known as the largest, most magnificent eagle ever. If I could see that, I think I’d crap my pants! Ah, everyone assumes I’m old anyway, might as well add to their assumptions.

7. Singing in the Rain is currently my favourite movie.

8. Oh yeah, I don’t own a cell phone, and barely answer my regular phone.  I plan on avoiding cell phones as long as possible.

9. I love babies. Seriously, I don’t know one old person who doesn’t love babies. Old people will smile and be nice to little ones (I even call them little ones). People my age are fuckers. They’d soon as push a toddler down than smile at them. Most of them think babies are “disgusting”.

10.  String Art. Have you been to my apartment? I have pictures of birds, rendered in various forms of stitchcraft, all over the place. I can’t explain it. I just don’t think the magnificence of the essence of birds can be expressed in mediums other than thread and mosaic. Mona Lisa would not be the same in watercolor. The Great Blue Heron would not be the same in simple…paint with a frame that is not covered in seashells.


2 Responses to “21 Going on 89”

  1. 1 Bethany August 17, 2008 at 1:57 am

    I love that you are an old lady. And I’d like to clarify my feelings on babies: I like them, I just don’t want to push one out of my crotch.

    Though one point of contention: you did own a cell phone for a while, AND you know how to use a computer far better than any old lady.

  2. 2 Mama Nabi August 17, 2008 at 5:23 pm

    I like old ladies. Especially one who likes babies. And there’s nothing wrong with dressing like an old lady… or having cats, for that matter.

    Bird watching, though… wtf?

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